Trust
by spottedhorse
Summary: Rosamund's words struck a neve in Edith and she had to think. But where do her thoughts lead her?


I wrote this rather hurriedly after watching episode 4. Rosamund was rather harsh with her comment about Anthony. And I like Edith's retort. But it got me to thinking about what was said and this sort of sprang to life. It is meant to be a one shot, especially since I'm still working on Life is a Journey, but I wanted to get it written. Still, I oculdn't quite get what I was feeling into the right words. But I hope you get the drift...

* * *

Edith sat frozen, staring at the door that Aunt Rosamund had just closed. She hadn't expected the conversation exactly but she had supposed it would happen eventually with someone in the family. She hadn't been particularly discreet in her relationship with Michael after all. What had really thrown her was Rosamund's comment about Anthony.

She had trusted Anthony and while she hadn't thought about him in a while, or at least had tried not to think of him, she knew she still trusted him. Oh, she had been angry at him at first of course, but as time passed she'd realized he had done what he had done because he loved her. His decision to walk away was misguided and in her opinion even now, wrong. But he had done it out of the right motivations. So yes, she would still trust Anthony if he were to walk through the door that Rosamund had just exited. But of course, he would not.

Even so, Edith sat staring at the door, a part of her wishing he would. But what of Michael? She'd meant it when she said she trusted him too. Was her trust misplaced? Rosamund's warning had planted the seeds of doubt. And once again, Edith thought of Anthony. He never would have put her in the position that she's been in just minutes ago Never would he have suggested that they… that she …well, put the cart before the horse.

If there had been anything for her to complain about with Anthony, it had been that he had been too chivalrous, to gallant and certainly more Victorian that the queen herself. He'd never even kissed her, not really. She had kissed him on the cheek a few times and he's relished it as a treasured gift. But never, not once had he tried for anything more. He had always been so kind and sweet and gentle with her. It wasn't that Michael was unkind or rough but it just wasn't the same. Letting her mind linger over that for a moment, she wondered what made it different. And then it suddenly struck her like a bolt of lightening from the sky. Anthony had loved her wholly and unselfishly, without a thought of his own needs or desires. It was not that way with Michael. Oh he was doing his best to accommodate her, to be free to marry her. But she knew he was only going to all the bother with Germany because she'd insisted she wouldn't be his mistress and he wanted to marry her. As he mind turned on that, she realized his motivations were entirely selfish.

Edith let out a frustrated sigh. How could she continually get things so wrong? She had pushed Anthony faster than he was inclined to act and then made that awful statement about loving him because of his injury. And before that there had been the mess with Patrick…whoever he was. And now she was entangled with Michael in a very dangerous way. What if she were to become pregnant? She knew that some women knew things about how to prevent such an occurrence, but she was new to this and really didn't have much information with which to work. Suddenly she wasn't quite as confident as she had been earlier in the morning. Suddenly she had piercing doubts.

Michael was leaving in a week. Once he went to Germany, the die would be cast and her future tied to his, assuming his plan worked. All of a sudden, that future wasn't looking quite so bright. She needed time to think things through instead of flowing along. She needed to be sure that this was right for her.

She had dinner with Michael that Tuesday night. After dinner he wanted what he had wanted all along and when she said she wasn't comfortable, he'd become angry. Edith found that once her initial anger passed, she had more to think about. And she told him so. He grew even angrier then and said he would postpone his trip to Germany, which was quite alright with Edith. She returned to Downton on the morning train.

Two months later Edith was in the village, posting a letter when she saw a very familiar Mercedes parked in front of the train station. Standing across the road, she watched as Anthony emerged fro the station and walked briskly to his car. Carl was loading his bag into the car when he paused and as if he sensed her presence, he looked up, his eyes immediately settling upon her.

It frightened Edith in a way. She didn't know how to respond. His eyes held no sparkle and his expression, which began as surprise and then adoration, morphed into extreme sadness and he hurriedly climbed into his car. Before she could move, Carl climbed behind the wheel and the car moved down the road.

Watching him drive away spurred Edith into action. Hurrying to her car, she climbed in and drove off down the same road, following him to Locksley. Anthony had climbed down from his car and Carl was pulling it away when Edith pulled in front of his house. He turned, his face revealing his shock and also wariness at her appearance.

She hurried from her car and ran to him, stopping just in front of him. "Seeing you again….I had to talk to you," she said breathily.

She could see the dread in his expression and everything in his stance told her how uncomfortable he was but she would not waste this opportunity. "I…I did what you wanted me to do. I found someone else."

He seemed to crumble before her, even though his shell still stood, tears in his eyes. Tilting his head, he tried to smile. "Are…are you happy then?"

Looking into his face, seeing his pain, and watching the tears form in his eyes, she shook her head. "No, I am not. He's…he reminds me of you in some ways, but in the important things he…he isn't you. And he…he says he loves me but because of you, I know what real love is and…he doesn't. I miss you Anthony. I've done what you wanted. I found someone else, I found adventure and excitement and made a career and well…led a full life. Except that there is this emptiness because the person I want to share it all with the most isn't there."

"Edith…" he breathed.

"I'm sorry. I know I pushed you and I said all the wrong things and I was stupid and foolish and…but you were the best thing that has ever happened to me, Anthony. You are still the best thing. And I still love you because of who you are, age, arm, and crooked smile all included. I love you and I will never love anyone else like I love you. And I don't know what to do because… I just love you."

He seemed to be drinking in her appearance, every nuance. "Edith, I can't…surely this other man is better for you…"

"Better for me? He wants me to be his mistress, Anthony. Well, that's not entirely true. He wants to marry me, but you see he is already married. And he's trying to divorce her but it's complicated and in the meantime…"

Looking very much like a man awaking from a trance, Anthony gasped. "Edith, you can't mean…" She nodded her affirmation and he gasped again. "But you can't possibly be thinking of …"

"But I have…only it feels so wrong. Because he isn't you, it is terribly wrong."

Grabbing her arm at the elbow, he started walking her swiftly to her car. He let go to open the door for her and once she had climbed in, he circled the car and boarded on the passenger side. Confused, Edith simply stared at him. "What are you doing?" she asked finally.

"We're going to York."

"York?"

"The vicar there is my friend, an old school chum. I'm certain he will marry us. And you'll give no more thought to this…this scoundrel."

Edith turned to look at him and saw the determination in his face. "You are sure? You won't regret it?"

"Dearest, I have regretted walking away from you every minute of every day since it happened. I fear it is you who will come to regret this but I intend to do everything n my power to see that doesn't happen."

Edith started the engine and put the car into gear. Then giving it some petrol, she drove them into their future.


End file.
